You know what? Sometimes it is ok to be scared. Sometimes it's ok to be not confident. Especially if it is warranted. I've had a total of one course in 3D animation and the prof was an idiot and only taught four classes. FOUR classes. So yeah, I think I am missing a ton of practical knowledge and theory that is needed for a basic foundation for animating. I feel like my animations are not up to industry entry level. Especially lately. I feel like I am moving backwards and my animation is getting worse. So I am not going to apply to an internship all the way across the country. I am going to stay home, save my money and go to a real animation school.
Because I feel that a high end animation company who are hiring interns will want one with more experience then just two walk cycles, a short film with barely any animation and three less then good looking cut scenes. So why not apply anyways since I know I won't be hired? Because honestly, I don't need any more rejection in my life right now. I have applied to so many jobs and I have been shut down even before the interviewing stage for every single one. So yeah, call me unconfident, scared and cowardly. I don't care. I think this decision which I did not make lightly is best for me right now.
I am going to take this year to get money and work on my demo reel and try to learn a bit more and then I will apply to animation schools and hopefully get in. Then I can learn and gain confidence and then I will apply to every studio in the world. Don't say that I will never be not confident if I am not right now...I am firmly convinced that more schooling will give me so much more confidence cause right now I have none. I know when to suck it up and just do it. And right now, emotionally, mentally and even physically, I am not ready.